Children & Grief
Children & Grief
How do you explain the death of a loved one to a child?
Death is a natural event. Experts agree that children, even the very young, should not be shielded from the death of a loved one. Children have the capacity to recognize death as an event and the curiosity to ask questions about the event. The general advice is to talk to the child simply and truthfully about the death, in an age-appropriate manner.
Ask questions to determine what the child already knows about the situation. You may then explain the situation to him simply and honestly. For instance, you may say, “Grandma’s heart got too tired and stopped working, so she died.”
It is important to avoid giving answers that may confuse or frighten the child, such as “Grandma went to sleep and is not going to wake up”or “God took Grandma to be with the angels.” While these phrases are meant to comfort and soothe, the child may actually interpret them in a far more literal sense. For example, the child might develop a fear of going to sleep because the same thing might happen to him.
Allow the child to ask questions if he wants, but do not pressure him if he doesn’t respond. A younger child may ask questions such as“Where is Grandma now?” or “Is my kitty in heaven?” Older children may comprehend the finality of death more fully, and ask more abstract questions that are related to issues of faith, the meaning of life, etc.
For any age group, stick with truthful, simple answers in terms that the child can understand.
Grief and children
The age and emotional development of a child will influence the way he experiences grief.
Ages 2 to 7
Up to 7 years of age, children see death mainly as a separation event. This may cause them to feel abandoned and scared. They may fear being alone, and may not want to sleep alone at night, or go to school.
Because children this young are usually not skilled at verbally expressing their feelings, they may “act out” instead, through behaviors such as temper tantrums, refusing to obey adults, or creating an imaginary life, accompanied by role-playing. Other behaviors, usually manifested by children between the ages of 2 and 5, may include eating, sleeping, toileting, or bed-wetting problems. Very young children under the age of 2 may suddenly refuse to talk, and become more irritable in general.
Ages 7 to 12
Children in this age group have begun to understand death as a permanent event. They may regard death as a more personal threat to their individual safety, develop a fear of dying themselves, or resort to “preventive” behaviors to “protect” themselves from death, such as aligning themselves with someone they think can protect them, or focusing on being “brave” or being “good”. Others may simply withdraw socially and/or emotionally from others.
Symptoms may include problems concentrating on schoolwork, trouble following directions, and difficulty in performing daily tasks.
Teens
While teenagers understand and perceive death in closely the same way as adults, they may express their grief differently. They may react in more dramatic ways, or adopt reckless behaviors in an attempt to “defy” death. Reckless driving, smoking, drinking alcohol, taking illegal drugs, or having unprotected sex may all be forms of “acting out” their anxieties and feelings of grief.
Thoughts of suicide may sometimes be present in a teen that is having trouble processing his or her loss. Warning signs of suicide in children and teens may include a preoccupation with death, having thoughts or openly talking about suicide, or giving away belongings.
Parents of teens who have lost a loved one should be aware of any changes in their child’s behavior, and should seek professional counseling immediately for the child if they feel their child may be in danger.
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Charles A. (Chuck) Hancock is a lifelong resident of Fort Meade. Chuck is the Funeral Director in Charge of Hancock Funeral Home and has served the Fort Meade community in funeral service for nearly 25 years. He began his funeral service career with our predecessor, Dan L. Moody, in 1986 at the young age of 16. Chuck is a 1988 graduate of Fort Meade High School, attended Lynn University in Boca Raton, FL, and a graduate of American Academy McAllister Institute of Funeral Service in New York, NY. Chuck is a known and accomplished pianist and also serves the community as the pianist and music director of the First United Methodist Church of Fort Meade. Chuck also serves on the City of Fort Meade Evergreen Cemetery Advisory Council and is a member of the Fort Meade Historical Society.
Charles A. (Chuck) Hancock is a lifelong resident of Fort Meade. Chuck is the Funeral Director in Charge of Hancock Funeral Home and has served the Fort Meade community in funeral service for nearly 25 years. He began his funeral service career with our predecessor, Dan L. Moody, in 1986 at the young age of 16. Chuck is a 1988 graduate of Fort Meade High School, attended Lynn University in Boca Raton, FL, and a graduate of American Academy McAllister Institute of Funeral Service in New York, NY. Chuck is a known and accomplished pianist and also serves the community as the pianist and music director of the First United Methodist Church of Fort Meade. Chuck also serves on the City of Fort Meade Evergreen Cemetery Advisory Council and is a member of the Fort Meade Historical Society.
W. Allen Hancock is a lifelong resident of Fort Meade, and a 1960 graduate of Fort Meade High School. Allen began his funeral service career in 1958 at Bevis Funeral Home in Fort Meade and worked with the Bevis Funeral Home and Seidel Funeral Home. He continued working part time with Dan L. Moody at Moody Funeral Home while continuing his career with Publix Supermarkets, and retiring from Publix in 1993, as Equipment Coordinator and purchaser for Florida and Georgia. He is a U.S. Army veteran, and has a commitment to the city of Fort Meade, as he has served as Commander of Fort Meade American Legion Post 23 for over 20 years; serves on the Fort Meade Chamber of Commerce; serves on the board of the Fort Meade Historical Society, and also the senior board member of Christ Episcopal Church in Fort Meade. Allen has had a lifetime full of funeral service experience and enjoys serving the community of Fort Meade when the services of Hancock Funeral Home are needed.
W. Allen Hancock is a lifelong resident of Fort Meade, and a 1960 graduate of Fort Meade High School. Allen began his funeral service career in 1958 at Bevis Funeral Home in Fort Meade and worked with the Bevis Funeral Home and Seidel Funeral Home. He continued working part time with Dan L. Moody at Moody Funeral Home while continuing his career with Publix Supermarkets, and retiring from Publix in 1993, as Equipment Coordinator and purchaser for Florida and Georgia. He is a U.S. Army veteran, and has a commitment to the city of Fort Meade, as he has served as Commander of Fort Meade American Legion Post 23 for over 20 years; serves on the Fort Meade Chamber of Commerce; serves on the board of the Fort Meade Historical Society, and also the senior board member of Christ Episcopal Church in Fort Meade. Allen has had a lifetime full of funeral service experience and enjoys serving the community of Fort Meade when the services of Hancock Funeral Home are needed.
Russell Hancock, a lifelong Fort Meade resident, is the youngest son of Allen and Margie Hancock. Russell graduated from Fort Meade High School in 1994, and he is also a graduate of Florida Southern College in Lakeland with a bachelor's Degree in Marketing and Communications. He is a member of Christ Episcopal Church, where he is very active. Russell provides a vast knowledge of computers and media knowledge for our firm.
Russell Hancock, a lifelong Fort Meade resident, is the youngest son of Allen and Margie Hancock. Russell graduated from Fort Meade High School in 1994, and he is also a graduate of Florida Southern College in Lakeland with a bachelor's Degree in Marketing and Communications. He is a member of Christ Episcopal Church, where he is very active. Russell provides a vast knowledge of computers and media knowledge for our firm.
Ed Flood is a lifelong Polk County resident. Being the great-grandson of Luke B. and Alicia Flood, pioneer residents of Fort Meade, he knows the people of our city. Ed and his wife, Carolyn (Waters) Flood, are members of the First Baptist Church of Fort Meade, and they have two children, Eddie and Michael, and several grandchildren. Ed is also retired from the accounting department of the Polk County School Board.
Ed Flood is a lifelong Polk County resident. Being the great-grandson of Luke B. and Alicia Flood, pioneer residents of Fort Meade, he knows the people of our city. Ed and his wife, Carolyn (Waters) Flood, are members of the First Baptist Church of Fort Meade, and they have two children, Eddie and Michael, and several grandchildren. Ed is also retired from the accounting department of the Polk County School Board.
Michael S. Woods is a 1976 graduate of Fort Meade High School. After high school, Mike spent 22 years serving in the United States Air Force with the Office of Special Investigations. Retiring in 1999, he then served 12 years with the Fort Meade Police Department and the Polk County Sheriff's Office. Mike is currently an active Deacon and member of the First Baptist Church of Fort Meade, and an adjunct professor at South Florida State College. He has a Bachelor's degree in Criminal Justice and a Master's degree in Communication. Mike is married to Cynthia Lamb Woods and has two adult children, Dustin who lives in Lake Placid, FL, and Derek who lives in Pensacola, FL.
Michael S. Woods is a 1976 graduate of Fort Meade High School. After high school, Mike spent 22 years serving in the United States Air Force with the Office of Special Investigations. Retiring in 1999, he then served 12 years with the Fort Meade Police Department and the Polk County Sheriff's Office. Mike is currently an active Deacon and member of the First Baptist Church of Fort Meade, and an adjunct professor at South Florida State College. He has a Bachelor's degree in Criminal Justice and a Master's degree in Communication. Mike is married to Cynthia Lamb Woods and has two adult children, Dustin who lives in Lake Placid, FL, and Derek who lives in Pensacola, FL.
Dan L. Moody and Ruby Gillispie Moody, founders of Moody Funeral Home, spent nearly a lifetime establishing the funeral home that we are now, which opened on Jan. 7, 1965 as Moody Funeral Home. Moody Funeral Home remained until Sept. 29, 2006, when the name changed to Hancock Funeral Home. Dan passed away in July of 2008, and Ruby remains very active in local church and community activities. Dan L. Moody and Ruby G. Moody are well known and remembered for their caring funeral service to the City of Fort Meade and surrounding cities for over 30 years.
Dan L. Moody and Ruby Gillispie Moody, founders of Moody Funeral Home, spent nearly a lifetime establishing the funeral home that we are now, which opened on Jan. 7, 1965 as Moody Funeral Home. Moody Funeral Home remained until Sept. 29, 2006, when the name changed to Hancock Funeral Home. Dan passed away in July of 2008, and Ruby remains very active in local church and community activities. Dan L. Moody and Ruby G. Moody are well known and remembered for their caring funeral service to the City of Fort Meade and surrounding cities for over 30 years.
As a member of our staff for many years, and also our adopted family member, Harold Lamb passed away January 12, 2016 at the age of 87. Harold was a long standing Polk County, FL funeral director, and currently, was the most senior, active funeral director of Polk County, FL. Harold was a U.S. Navy Veteran, serving on the USS Kidd, and was aboard its attack in the Battle of Okinawa during WWII, of which he received a purple heart at the age of 16 for his injuries. He was a lifelong resident of Lakeland, and enjoyed serving the city of Fort Meade and families that are served through Hancock Funeral Home, and the city of Lakeland where he also worked for many years at Gentry-Morrison Funeral Homes and Dukes-Steen Funeral Home. Harold's funeral services were held January 15, 2016 and he is interred in Oak Hill Burial Park, Lakeland, FL.
As a member of our staff for many years, and also our adopted family member, Harold Lamb passed away January 12, 2016 at the age of 87. Harold was a long standing Polk County, FL funeral director, and currently, was the most senior, active funeral director of Polk County, FL. Harold was a U.S. Navy Veteran, serving on the USS Kidd, and was aboard its attack in the Battle of Okinawa during WWII, of which he received a purple heart at the age of 16 for his injuries. He was a lifelong resident of Lakeland, and enjoyed serving the city of Fort Meade and families that are served through Hancock Funeral Home, and the city of Lakeland where he also worked for many years at Gentry-Morrison Funeral Homes and Dukes-Steen Funeral Home. Harold's funeral services were held January 15, 2016 and he is interred in Oak Hill Burial Park, Lakeland, FL.
